So, I haven’t posted for a bit. February, for the most part, went rather well for me. I managed to hammer out a second consecutive 11,000 word month, but towards the end, and thus far into March, I’ve struggled a great deal. The reasons are many-fold at this point, I think writing about them today will help me work through the issues.
The first issue is that I’ve been battling my depression rather mightily this month. I’ve reduced the amount of days I go into work because my body feels thrashed. At the same time, doing this, it’s ultimately going to cause me to lose my health insurance coverage, but I just cannot take the pain anymore. Having to buy separate insurance from what my workplace provides is going to cost me a great deal of money, and the company has been less than cooperative about transferring me to a less labor intensive position. The obvious answer then is just to leave right? But after 7+ years at this place, my wage would be rather difficult to replace locally. So I’m in a real conundrum here. More than anything this situation has weighed on me mentally and it’s hurting my overall quality of life in a way that I simply cannot counterbalance.
Beyond that i ran into a problem that conquered me in the past. A problem where-in I start looking at the story so far, what I’ve worked on, and declaring it to be trash. However, experience has taught me that this is indeed a first draft thing. I might not be happy with what’s there, but by no means does it need to be perfect this time through. I know that’s the attitude I have to adopt, and so I have. It was weighing on me for a bit before I realized I was falling into the classic trap of agonizing too much over my first draft. I have to admit to being a little pleased with myself that I’ve moved beyond this point. To me, it shows that I’m developing some maturity as a writer.
The third issue didn’t dawn on me until now, but I think I need to stop what I’m doing. And set aside time to one day, very soon, do a complete read through of the draft so far. I need to get a better feel for how the story as a whole reads, flows. I’d like to get some private time and do an out loud reading for myself just to see how it works. It might be a touch difficult to find time for this, but I’m promising myself I’ll find some way to make it work this weekend.
I think more than anything these factors have contributed to what has been, to this point, a very poor March. I’m prepared to chalk March up in the loss column and begin laying the groundwork for a better April.
Anyway, I don’t really have much else I feel like talking about in this particular update, but I thought it’d be a good idea to share the results of some honest introspection with the world. Give a bit of a look into how I tick. Hopefully I’ll have more positive news to report in the near future.